<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Missed You/Missing You by Aces_and_Roses</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27360256">Missed You/Missing You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aces_and_Roses/pseuds/Aces_and_Roses'>Aces_and_Roses</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(for Barnes' dead partner), Angst, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Minor descriptions of injuries, RQG 174 spoilers, Reunions, Temporary Character Death, but you do new things every day i guess, i have never had to use an OC tag in my life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 03:00:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,311</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27360256</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aces_and_Roses/pseuds/Aces_and_Roses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>James closes his eyes as he falls. He doesn’t want to see, doesn’t want to know what horrible fate awaits him when he hits the ground, how he is going to die. So he closes his eyes, and he falls, and he hopes all the while that it will be quick, that a painless end isn't too much to ask for.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Commander James Barnes/his mysterious dead partner that we know nothing about</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Missed You/Missing You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I know Barnes didn't technically die, let me have this.<br/>For the record, in this, Barnes' dead partner is a tiefling named Courage, because I'm a sucker for virtue names.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>James closes his eyes as he falls. He doesn’t want to see, doesn’t want to know what horrible fate awaits him when he hits the ground, how he is going to die. So he closes his eyes, and he falls, and he hopes all the while that it will be quick, that a painless end isn’t too much to ask for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He keeps them closed as something pierces his stomach; the pain blossoming outward, white-hot. He keeps them closed as he chokes back a scream, biting his lip so hard he tastes blood, each breath bringing a fresh wave of agony. He keeps his eyes closed as he hears a heavy thud somewhere below, not wanting to know what (who) it was, not wanting to see. He keeps his eyes closed as the pain grows worse, gravity driving whatever had stabbed him in further, wishing it would just stop just stop please stop please it hurts-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He keeps his eyes closed as the pain in his abdomen disappears abruptly, as though it had never been. He keeps his eyes closed as the scent of the sea fills the air he breathes, as the sound of waves breaking on the shore echoes around him. He keeps his eyes closed as he feels a familiar hand on his shoulder, hears a familiar voice say, quietly, gently, “James?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reaches out blindly, searching for- for </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>, still scared to open his eyes, lest this turn out to be a dream. “Courage?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He feels a hand on his other shoulder, pulling him into a hug. “I’m here, love. I’m here. I’ve got you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James lets out a ragged sob, his arms coming up to return it. “It’s really you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It really is. I know it’s scary at first, but everything’s okay. You’re okay.” One of the hands - one of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Courage’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>hands - is running up and down his back, soothing. “You can open your eyes, this won’t- </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> won’t disappear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he- he trusts Courage, more than anyone, so he does. And he sees-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sees Courage, standing in front of him, holding him close, looking at him with a melancholy smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sees the ocean, stretching off toward the horizon, gentle waves lapping at the shoreline.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sees a beach and, in the distance, a small cottage near the water. It looks exactly like he’d imagined, exactly like he and Courage had talked about all that time ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m dead,” he says, without hesitation. Of that, he is absolutely certain. He would think he was dreaming, that his brain was conjuring up these images only to cruelly yank them away when he awoke, except his dreams had never managed to be as perfect as this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so.” Courage’s brows are furrowed. Such a familiar expression, one James hadn’t thought he’d get to see for a long time yet. “You don’t-” He sighs. “I guess it doesn’t much matter, does it? For now, anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James doesn’t know what to say to that, so he doesn’t say anything at all. Instead, he turns his attention to the cottage, just a few hundred meters away. Courage seems to notice, looking off toward it as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It looks exactly like we talked about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, eternity would be a long time to spend somewhere that isn’t perfect.” Courage is smiling at him now, the same way he always did, his expression bright. “I’d have been right disappointed if I’d ended up anywhere else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perfect. That’s what this was. A paradise, just for the two of them. He doesn’t know what they did to deserve it, what </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> did to deserve it, but… He doesn’t really care. Because all these years he’d missed Courage, and all these years he’d worried that wherever he’d ended up, he wasn’t happy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All these years, James had convinced himself that he should have been on that ship with him, should have died with him, if only so that he wouldn’t have to be alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he wasn’t miserable. He had this place, this paradise, and just looking at him James can tell that he is, if nothing else, content. His hair windswept, strands flying free from the braids he’d put them in. His eyes as bright as they’d ever been. Everything about him just as James remembered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finds himself pitching forward, falling farther into Courage’s arms as the tears he’d felt building ever since he opened his eyes overflow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve missed you,” he chokes out, clutching at Courage’s shoulders desperately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course you did,” he responds. “Who wouldn’t? I’m a delight. But-” he takes a shaky breath, pulling James even closer. “You’re going to have to keep missing me a little longer, I think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Courage pulls away. Not far, a few inches at most, but it feels like miles. “You’re not meant to be here,” he whispers, bringing his hand up to cup James’ cheek. “Not yet. You’re already fading.” With his other hand, he raises James’ up to where he can see it. It’s… translucent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fading.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James curls his fingers around Courage’s hand, holding it tight. “No, I- I don’t want to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Courage shakes his head slowly, fond. “I don’t think you have a choice. It’s just not- it’s not your time yet.” The hand on James’ cheek moves to his hair, pulling him forward into a gentle kiss. Not a long one, not at all, pulling back almost before James registers it happening at all. And James lets him, wishing desperately that this didn’t feel so much like an ending, like a goodbye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love…” James says, forcing himself to speak past the lump in his throat. “I don’t-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. But you’ve got more to do. So you go save the world, okay? And then-” he sniffs, scrubbing at the tears running down his cheeks. “And then, you live. And when it’s your time, and not a moment earlier, you come back to me. I’ll be here waiting. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can feel it now, a strange tugging sensation in his chest, pulling him away from this place, away from Courage. And he doesn’t want to go, he wants to stay, he’s never wanted anything more, but… Courage is right. He isn’t meant to be here, just yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” he says, pulling Courage down into a hug once more, holding on as tightly as he can, even as he feels the tugging grow stronger. “I love you so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Courage buries his face in James’ neck, his next words pressed into his skin. “I love you, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, despite every fibre of his being screaming at him not to go, to stay here with Courage, to stay where he is safe and warm and loved, James takes a step back. Courage is still there, standing in front of him, every bit the man James had loved, </span>
  <em>
    <span>still</span>
  </em>
  <span> loves, but he misses him already. So, </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And James closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to see it all fade away; the beach, the cottage, Courage, everything he’d ever wanted. He doesn’t want to watch them grow faint, doesn’t want to see the darkness of whatever in-between he might have to pass through to return to the land of the living. More than anything, he wants to preserve this memory, hold the image of Courage standing on that beach in his mind for as long as he can.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He keeps his eyes closed as the pain in his abdomen returns abruptly, somehow all the more painful for having been gone. He keeps his eyes closed as he tries to ignore the feeling of blood running down his side, tries to breathe through the pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, there comes that all-too-familiar warmth, the feeling of flesh knitting itself back together, the pain subsiding. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he opens his eyes with a gasp.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Very in character for the first thing I manage to write after months-long writer's block to be angst.<br/>I'm on tumblr at redactedquill if you want to come yell at me.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>